CAN’T GET IT IN

My partner is finding it difficult to penetrate me while we are having sex. When he does get it in my arse starts to bleed and gets very sore. Is there a solution?

If you are relaxed, then you will find it easier and more comfortable to get fucked. Deep breathing can help you to relax and allows the arse to relax too. Take your time and make sure you feel comfortable, physically and emotionally. If you’re feeling tense or pressured, it’s going to be harder for you to enjoy yourself. If you’re struggling to accommodate his cock, try clenching your sphincter muscles around it, and then letting them relax.

Be open and honest with your partner, ask him to go slow on you, and remember that sex should be enjoyable for both of you. Different positions will be more comfortable for different couples, depending on the angle of the erection and the curvature of the penis. Any position where your knees are bent and drawn into your chest, whether you are kneeling, lying on your back or on your side, will probably lead to a more comfortable fuck, or will be a good position to start from.

This position will straighten out the anal canal and the pubo-rectal sling will draw back to allow smoother entry to the arse. Use water-based or silicone-based lubricant if you’re using latex condoms. Avoid using any lube with nonoxynol-9 in it, as it irritates the lining of the arse and may make sex more painful, as well as making transmission of HIV easier.

Asking your partner to play with your hole before he fucks you is another idea. Ask him to play with it with his fingers or to rim you beforehand. You can also play around with some toys to make your arse more relaxed and used to having things inserted in it.

For more information, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/better-sex.


CAN’T GET HARD

I am a 19-year-old lad who tenses up when it comes to having sex with a lad. I can’t get an erection. Can you give me some advice or tips on how to make these things easier for me?

Many men experience difficulties getting an erection when having sex so you are definitely not alone in this. There are a variety of reasons why this happens and different ways in which you can try to overcome erection problems. If you are not able to get a hard-on, it can be because you are stressed, anxious, or nervous. Try to relax when you are with another lad and remind yourself that having sex is perfectly normal and you don’t have a reason to feel nervous.

If you keep thinking about the fact that you can’t get a boner it can become a vicious circle; the more you worry about your erection, the less likely you are to be able to get one. It can help to have some distraction, so encourage your partner to focus on something other than your cock for a while – kissing or nipple play might help to get you back in action. If that doesn’t help, you can also try using a cock-ring to help you maintain an erection.

This fits around your cock and balls and restricts the blood flow out of the cock, helping you get hard and stay hard for longer. You can easily buy cock-rings online or in sex shops. If these methods don’t work, you don’t always have to try to solve the problem by yourself and discussing things with your GP could be helpful.

Your GP may be able to signpost you to talking therapies with a counsellor or prescribe you a particular drug to help you stay hard if they think you need it. Sometimes drinking too much or taking recreational drugs can also make it more difficult for guys to get hard. If you are a big drinker or take recreational drugs, perhaps taking a break from these and seeing how that effects your erection could help.


Please note, the advice GMFA provides is intended to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between you and your doctor. GMFA recommends you visit your GP or GUM clinic if you have a sexual health need.  To find your nearest GUM clinic, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics.   For sex and sexual health advice, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/sex.


HIV-positive men read out mean messages