Words by Ian Howley @ianhowley 
Photo © www.flickr.com/rooz739


The chances are that at some point in your life you will end up in a threesome, foursome, fivesome, orgy or full on gang bang. Some may only get as far as a threesome but many experience the lot. Here at FS we decided to talk to gay men who regularly do more than one-on-one sex to find out what’s the thrill of it all, and what they’ve learnt to do and not do. 

THE THREESOMERS

Josh is 25 and originally from the US. He now lives in London with his French husband. “We love a good threesome,” he says. “There’s nothing like getting naked with someone you love and someone new and having some grown up fun. I never get why people think it’s wrong or dirty to want to have a threesome. Yes, sometimes they can be bad, like really bad, but for the most part they are actually quite fun.”

Matthew is 31 and from London. He’s single and loves hooking up with couples. “It turns me on to enter an existing relationship. I love to fuck one while they kiss. I feel like I’m adding to their relationship. Yes, sometimes I feel left out, but overall it’s fun to do.”

Myles is 28 and lives in Glasgow. He describes himself as a ‘threesome whore’. “I’m always on Grindr trying to set up a threesome. I don’t do couples as I want the attention and when you’re having sex with a couple you are generally left out from time to time. I’m always the host so the attention is on me. I start by inviting someone over and drop the hint to get another one. Some of the time they say no but many say yes and we both hop on Grindr and nab a third. Threesomes are fucking great. The feeling of kissing someone while another person is sucking you off or taking two cocks in your mouth at once is just horny as hell. I wouldn’t want it any other way.” 

THE ORGY LOVERS

David is 36 and from Belfast. He likes to go to saunas. “Over the last few years I have become addicted to orgies. I like to have a few drinks, head to the sauna and throw myself into the darkroom or playroom. Sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s horrible. It’s all down to the men on the night but it’s my favourite way to have sex. Jumping from man to man is a great experience and you never really get too bored. I don’t really fuck anyone. It’s all oral and kissing.” 

Jai is 24 and lives in Manchester. He’s a keen chemsexer and likes to get high and go to sex parties where group sex happens quite a bit. He says: “I got into chemsex through an ex. He brought me to a chillout where we did a bump of meth and played together. Before I knew it the drugs gave us highly charged sexual feelings and one-on-one sex turned into a full-on orgy. But following every high comes a low and the aftermath of a chemsex party can make you feel quite low. I’ve had to deal with depression and low self-esteem, but it’s the price to pay for wanting to do chemsex.” 

THE GANGBANGERS

Ashley is 19 and from London. He describes himself as a ‘cum dump pup’. He’s a regular goer to nights like Hard On and Full Fetish. He told us, “I’m a pup. I dress up in pup gear and leave my arse open for anyone who wants to use it. Many nights I get on my knees, bark, wag my arse and let as many people fuck me as I can handle. It’s what I’m famous for.” 

Simon is 29 and from Sheffield but now lives in Newcastle. He told us he likes to arrange gang bang sessions at his home. “I don’t do drugs and I like my home to be drug free. I’m a bit old school – alcohol and poppers. I make it clear when I host a sex party that there are no drugs allowed. I generally get on Grindr on a Friday afternoon and ask a few people over. Over the years I have built up a network of sex buddies who will come over and we all take turns in fucking each other. I prefer to be fucked than fuck.” 

ALL FUN AND THRILLS?

Not really say Josh who likes threesomes. “You have to deal with egos, jealousy and trust. My husband and I do not use condoms when it’s just us so when we do threesomes we have to bring condoms back into the room. There have been a few drunken mistakes. It’s not nice to have to worry about STIs and HIV while being married, but that’s the educated choice we make.”

Both David and Jai who partake in orgies say that they have picked up multiple STIs. David says, “I’ve been diagnosed with chlamydia, syphilis, and oral gonorrhoea. Jai told us he is HIV-positive and has had hep C. “About a year into my chemsex life I was diagnosed with HIV and hep C. It wasn’t a surprise but still affected me mentally. It took me a while to get used to the idea of living with HIV but three years on I’m undetectable and free from hep C. I make sure to tell people I’m HIV-undetectable and many are OK with that. 

‘Cum dump pup’ Ashley was diagnosed with HIV at 16. He told us: “When I was 16 I had sex with an older man. I didn’t know too much about HIV and he told me no-one uses condoms any more, and I trusted him. I got sick about a month later and my mother brought me to the doctor who did some blood tests. Being told beside your mother that you have HIV is not a nice experience. We dealt with it together and I’ve learnt so much about HIV and safer sex. I’m on medication and undetectable. Many people think because of what I’m into that I got it from that, but no. I’ve never picked up an STI from doing what I do… yet. Having HIV at a young age is not nice but that’s life.” 

ANY ADVICE?

Josh says, “If you are in a relationship and want to do threesomes or whatever you need to be open with your partner. Set some ground rules and if mistakes happen then acknowledge them and deal with them. It will happen.”

“Be prepared to pick up STIs and test frequently,” says David. “If you are into group sex and think you can suck ten cocks in one night but always be STI free then you are living in a fantasy world. Get tested monthly and be responsible if/when you pick up an STI. When the doctor says do not have sex for ten days... do not have sex for ten days.”

Jai says: “If you are into chemsex then know what you’re taking so you can be in control as much as possible. I read recently that we don’t really care about our health when the high kicks in and it’s true. It can be very difficult to care about HIV and STIs when you’re high and horny. It’s not an excuse though. Know how to dose properly and try to be as safe as possible.”

Ashley told us: “I’m only 19 but I’m pretty sure I know more about STIs and HIV than most people my age. Everyone has access to the internet these days. Get yourself on GMFA’s website and learn how STIs and HIV are transmitted. Educating yourself is the best way to be in control of your health. Putting your faith in others to care about your health is just stupid.”


How risky is fucking without condoms?


Most gay men who have HIV caught it from getting fucked without a condom. As far as gay sex goes, getting fucked without a condom, and having your partner cum inside you, is the riskiest thing you can do. This is because the lining of the arse can absorb liquids directly into your bloodstream. If there’s HIV in his cum, and it goes up your arse, that will be absorbed too. Getting fucked without him cumming inside you is lower risk but, as there is HIV in pre-cum too, there is still a risk of HIV transmission.

In group sex it’s theoretically possible to catch HIV from getting fucked even if your partner is HIV-negative, if he has fucked someone who is HIV-positive and then fucks you immediately afterwards. This is because there could be traces of HIV-infected anal mucus or blood on his cock.

Getting fucked is also high risk for most other STIs, including chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes, syphilis, warts, hepatitis B and for HIV-positive men it is thought that you can catch hepatitis C as well. Condoms provide an effective barrier against most STIs, including HIV, although some STIs, such as syphilis and warts, can still be transmitted if the condom does not cover the entire infected area, such as the base of the cock. If you are infected with an STI in your arse, it will increase the chances of you being infected with HIV if you are HIV-negative. If you are HIV-positive and have an STI, it is likely that there will be higher concentrations of HIV in all of your body fluids, including blood and anal mucus, and so you will be more infectious.

If the person doing the fucking is HIV-positive and has an undetectable viral load the risk of transmission will be greatly reduced.

What if I fuck without a condom?

Fucking someone without a condom is less risky than getting fucked without a condom, but it is still one of the riskiest sexual practices that gay men do. If you are HIV-negative, fucking someone bareback is more likely to lead to infection than sucking cock. This is because the anal mucus that lines the arse (we all have it) can contain a very high concentration of HIV. The mucous membrane just inside the tip of the penis and the foreskin can absorb liquids, like anal mucus, directly into the bloodstream. HIV experts used to think that infection from the receptive partner (bottom) to the insertive partner (top) was as a result of bleeding in the arse. Although it’s possible that blood is responsible for transmission in some cases, we now think that anal mucus is the body fluid that enables the man doing the fucking to become infected.

Other infections in or around his arse, such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes, syphilis, warts and hepatitis B can be passed to the guy fucking through his urethra (the tube you piss through). Condoms can prevent most of the infections that you can get from fucking, although it’s worth remembering that some STIs can be transmitted even if you use condoms.

If the guy getting fucked is HIV-positive and has an undetectable viral load the risk of transmission is reduced, however levels of virus in anal mucus may not match the level of virus in the blood (which is how viral load is usually measured). 

How risky are fucking and getting fucked with condoms?

While it is rare, condoms can break during fucking and this could make it possible for HIV or other STIs to be transmitted. Condom breaks usually occur because condoms are used incorrectly or are used for long sessions without changing them. If you use condoms correctly with plenty of water-based lube, it will greatly reduce the chances of them breaking. If you are having group sex, it’s also important to change condoms for each partner. This is because it’s theoretically possible that traces of HIV-infected anal mucus or blood could remain on a condom after a guy with HIV gets fucked. This is also true for other STIs, including hepatitis C. While condoms offer protection against HIV and most STIs, they cannot prevent them all. Even if you always use condoms for fucking we recommend that you get regular sexual health screens at a GUM clinic and continue to test for HIV on an annual basis.


For more information on sex, sexual health, STIs and HIV visit, www.gmfa.org.uk/sex.


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THIS ARTICLE WAS TAKEN FROM ISSUE #149. 
 

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