Words by Liam Murphy | @liamwaterloo


So, here’s the story from A-Z, if you wanna get the ‘D’ you better listen carefully...

The Spice Girls are actually an excellent analogy for a gay man’s sex life: bold, brash, noisy, you don’t tell everyone you like it, and we’ve all slept with a posh one, a sporty one, a ginger one, a scary one, a ba-NO, OK, maybe not the last one. What I mean is, we’ve all had a fair amount of sex with various types of men, but has it all been spectacular? 

Have some of our sexual encounters been a bigger disappointment than a Spice Girls comeback single? And what has made some of our shags as mind-blowing as nine top ten singles (‘Stop’ was ROBBED)? We spoke to some gay guys to find out what can make or break a brilliant bumming life, while attempting to shoehorn in as many Spice Girls references as possible – where it fits the article, of course. Zig-a-zig-ah.

Slam your body down and wind it all around

When sex goes right it can feel extraordinary, a pleasure so intense it could even bring a smile to Victoria Beckham’s face. Whether it’s slamming it to the left or shaking it to the right, what exactly is it that makes someone’s head explode (both of them) in the sack? “I love being rimmed,” reveals Jamie, 24. “It feels like nothing else. To have someone’s tongue in such an intimate but unexpected place really makes a great sex session for me. I think it’s the mixture of the wet and the warmth back there. If a guy I sleep with isn’t into it, that’s fine, but I must admit I don’t enjoy it as much and I definitely don’t cum as hard.”                                                           

For 33-year-old Joel, it’s all about penetration. “Fucking is what I live for sexually. I don’t consider it a complete shag unless there’s fucking involved. I have offers on Grindr for blow jobs and stuff – I’m quite hung – but that doesn’t do a thing for me. Either they bend over or it doesn’t happen!” A sentiment echoed, but from the other end, by Mike, 28. “For sex to be really amazing, I need to get fucked. I like all the other stuff – blow jobs, rimming, wanking – but the feeling of having a man inside me is indescribable. The closest I can explain it, is that you feel full and complete, and truly connected.” “Intimacy is key to great sex,” says 41-year-old Craig.

“Body contact and kissing can elevate what can just be a detached blow job to something really special and pleasurable. I would rather have a wank than just go down on someone without at least a kiss. It’s all about the body heat of two men next to each other and pleasuring each other.”

I wanna make you holler

To have a perfect moment in bed (Martine McCutcheon popped up there for some reason) it can sometimes take more than swinging it, shaking it, moving it, then making it. What is it that makes an encounter the best sex you’ve ever had?

“My best time was pretty basic, but just right,” explains Tristan, 21. “It was pure sexual attraction that had heated up over a while. We just wanted each other so much and it was in the moment and passionate. Without knowing each other’s turn ons – it could’ve been luck, but it just happened, we just clicked. Kissing, licking, touching, it wasn’t rough, but the passion was just so high. Generally hot sweaty sex. After we came, we just laid there kissing. Basic but the best.”

“The best I’ve ever had was with my current partner,” says 38-year-old Neil. “We’ve been together six years now and we’ve always had an OK sex life. A couple of years back he convinced me to try bottoming. I’d been pretty much a total top until then and our first few attempts were mediocre, but our third or fourth attempt blew my head off. We’d been drinking beforehand and I think it made me super relaxed. It didn’t take much preparation for me to take his cock and we banged for about an hour in all kinds of positions. I’m particularly fond of me being on top and riding him. I screamed the fucking house down! I wasn’t expecting to get so into it. It’s very different from topping and I let myself be taken away into another level of consciousness. It was amazing. I think it’s because I love and trust my partner that it was so mind-blowing. Also, we’re both still discovering and exploring this different side to our sex lives. I couldn’t see myself having that good a time with a random guy.”

Peter, 25, opened up to us about his best sexual encounter. “I’m usually one to avoid well-endowed men due to dreadful past experiences but this guy was something else! He was well endowed but knew how to ease my ass into accommodating his cock so that apart from the initial ‘OMFG PULL OUT!’ pain it was the best experience I’ve had, so much so that he made me cum hands-free from the serious prostate massage I received from his cock. Another thing that made this the best sex was the fact that the chemistry was off the chain and the occasional gentle kisses on my back after each thrust left me with goosebumps from head to toe.”

Stop right now, thank you very much

Sometimes fucking can be far from fantastic and can be a bigger turn-off than one of Geri’s later solo albums. What is it that turns a love thing into a “get off me and get out of my house” thing?

When it comes to someone giving him everything, Mike needs his partners to slow it down if he’s going to have some fun. “Anyone who dares shove their penis straight in without any ground work is dead to me. I love being fucked but so many guys just jump straight to it without any foreplay or even trying to turn me on. Just because I’m a bottom, that doesn’t mean I’m just a hole you can put your penis in. I need to be into it as well for the fuck to feel good.”

A bad kisser is a deal-breaker for me,” divulges Jamie. “I know it’s not particularly a ‘sex act’ but kissing is so important and such a massive turn on for me. It’s passion, desire and sex all rolled into one, so someone who can’t kiss doesn’t get anything else from me. Sloppy kissers are the worst. Feel free to drool over my arse or cock, but not all over my lips and chin, thanks.”

“Anyone who gives really shit head is such a turn off,” explains 34-year-old Tetti. “Blow jobs are great but there are some men who really can’t do it and I really don’t have the time to teach them! Unless I really like them. It’s amazing how many men use their teeth when blowing you – you’d think that’s the first thing you’d be careful of. How would they like my teeth scraping up and down their dick? Probably not very much. Also guys who are too rough giving blow jobs, you can feel the friction burns from their tongue. Their sucking skills are usually a good indication of how they are at everything else in my eyes.”

Too much

When something is coming over you (ahem) to make you wonder why the hell you asked that guy back to yours in the first place, what is it that makes some sexual encounters so bloody terrible?

“I’ve no major horror stories but I’ve hooked up with a few guys where there was zero chemistry,” says Neil. “It was an effort to get through it and finish each other off, if we finished at all. I remember stopping midway through getting a crap blow job, apologising and leaving. There was one incident where I met a fuck buddy at his place. I was lying on my back while he rode me cowboy style and after a few minutes of his grinding I noticed he was “leaking”. Cue him promptly dismounting and leaving my cock and pelvis covered in shit. He hadn’t cleaned up properly or prepared at all beforehand. Not a great experience.”

Thomas, 27, explains that there were a few moments where he was racing to get out of the bottom. “I hooked up with a guy on Grindr, got to his place and he was high as fuck. Chems aren’t my thing, so I was super uncomfortable. We started kissing and it wasn’t doing anything for me so I made my excuses and left. In terms of actually having sex, there have been a couple of times where the guy has just been disappointing, nothing specific but I can recall I felt unsatisfied. One guy also sneezed on my back while he was fucking me, that was gross.”

“My worst experience by far was my first time back when I was 19,” explains Peter. “I still remember it like it was yesterday as it was genuinely that bad! I had met a guy from Gaydar at his office and unfortunately he looked nothing like he did in his pictures which made the sex even more uncomfortable. He was 37  and very dominant with how he handled me. We had sex on his desk in his office, no lube just a bit of spit and forced entry which was the most painful experience I had ever had. I remember driving home feeling dirty and disgusted at myself for going through with it.”

Be a little bit wiser, baby...

Just what it is the perfect recipe for a spicy sex life? Candlelight? Soul forever? A dream of you and him together?

“Hard intense fucking,” says Jamie, “that’s what it takes to have a great sex life. If it lacks intensity and it’s anything less than full on passion, it’ll never be mind-blowing, just a way to get off.”

Neil thinks the key to perfect sexual harmony is a little more mundane. “It’s a boring answer but learn to communicate with your partner. Whether it’s a hook up or long-term partner, the only sure fire way of him knowing what really turns you on and vice versa is by telling him. Don’t be afraid to say what you like or don’t like.”

“Never feel guilty or bad for saying no,” believes Thomas. “Sex is meant to be something you enjoy. Be as open as possible about it - the more honest you are the more you can do what you enjoy and improve how you enjoy it.”

Put it on, put it on…

A fucking great fucking session doesn’t need to be a fucking unsafe fucking session.

  • In 2013, over 3,250 gay men were diagnosed HIV-positive in the UK.
  • About 13% of gay men in London are HIV-positive and 6% in the UK.
  • About 80% of new HIV infections come from having sex with men who don’t know they have HIV.
  • About 16% of gay men who are HIV-positive don’t know they have it. 

Remaining HIV-negative is your responsibility,” says FS editor Ian Howley. “If you don’t want HIV then you need to look at how you’re having sex. If you’ve been taking risks then the chances of becoming HIV-positive increase. It goes without saying that condoms are a good way of preventing HIV. But you should also be testing for HIV regularly. Now, when we say regularly we don’t mean once every three years.” 

Ian adds: “Gay men should test at least once a year, but if you are having multiple partners, or any unprotected sex, then you should test more often. We also realise that sex often happens with some form of drug being used, whether it’s alcohol or chems. When having sex under the influence it becomes harder to make wise decisions. It’s easier said than done but watching what you drink or limiting the amount of drugs you take will help you make healthier decisions when it comes to safer sex.”

So, whether you let love lead the way or you just want wannabe the one to make a man holler, only do what you’re comfortable with and what feels good. And listen to a lot of Spice Girls. Seriously, Google the lyrics to the first verse of ‘Who Do You Think You Are’. It’s like it was written about gay sex. 


FS SAYS: WHEN 2 BECOME 1

Putting your penis into another human being is fun but it also can cause problems. HIV is still here and is not going away any time soon. There is no cure for HIV.

How to prevent STIs and HIV

Condoms: Using condoms while having sex is still one of the best ways to avoid picking up any STIs or becoming HIV-positive. And don’t forget the lube. Condoms break up to 6% of the time, but using plenty of water-based lube can help prevent this.  

For more information, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/condoms-and-lube.

PEP is a treatment that can stop you becoming HIV-positive if taken within 72 hours after sex. To find out more about PEP or where to get it, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/pep.

Test for STIs:  All sexually active gay men should test for STIs at least once a year. If you are having sex with new partners then you should test more frequently. Test for HIV too when you’re there. It takes about two weeks for most STIs and four weeks for HIV to show up in a test.

For more information or to find your nearest GUM clinic, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics.
For more information on STIs and how to prevent them, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/stis.


No matter what sexual act you are doing, there’s a risk of getting an STI. HIV is the ‘big one’ because it’s incurable. Once you have it, you have it for life. But there are many more STIs out there, some of which you can get even if you don’t have anal sex. And none of them are  nice to have to deal with. Here’s what you need to know about… 

Gonorrhoea

Gonorrhoea, or ‘the clap’, is a bacterial infection of the urethra (the tube you piss out of), arse, throat or eyes. It can be passed on by rimming, sucking cock, fucking or getting fucked without a condom.

Chlamydia

Chlamydia is a bacterial infection. It is most commonly passed on by fucking or getting fucked without a condom, but it can also be passed on by sucking cock or rimming.

Crabs

Crabs are usually transferred during naked body contact (yes, we mean sex). Less often, they can be caught from infested bedding, clothes and towels.

Hepatitis A

Hepatitis A is found in shit and is acquired by getting shit in your mouth. This can happen through sex acts such as rimming or sucking someone’s cock after unprotected sex.

Hepatitis B

The hepatitis B virus is in blood, cum, piss, spit and shit, as well as other body fluids of a person who’s infected. The virus can be spread by sharing needles, sharing snorting straws, unprotected sex, or by getting blood or infected cum in your mouth, eyes, or on to broken skin.

Hepatitis C

The hepatitis C virus is present primarily in blood (including dried blood) and can also be present in cum. Traditionally injecting drug use was the most common way to catch hepatitis C but it is now known that unprotected sex, particularly high risk sex and group sex, is associated with hep C infection. In particular HIV-positive gay men are getting hepatitis C sexually. However, this does not mean HIV-negative guys are not at risk from unprotected sex or sharing sex toys. 

Herpes

Herpes is a virus that is spread by skin to skin contact. There are two forms of herpes: HSV-1, which causes cold sores around the mouth, and HSV-2, or genital herpes, which leads to sores around the cock and arse. You can get herpes by kissing, sucking cock, rimming, fucking without condoms and even frottage! You can also get it by sharing sex toys. Cold sores on your mouth can be spread to another person’s cock or arse, and genital herpes can be spread to the mouth.

Syphilis

Syphilis is a bacterial infection which is most usually transmitted through fucking without a condom and cock-sucking, but which can also be caught through rimming, fisting and even through skin to skin contact (although this is rare).

For more information on sex, sexual health and STIs, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/sex


SEX TIPS TO SPICE UP YOUR LIFE

GMFA has a whole section of its website dedicated to helping you to better your sex life. Here are some quick links.

Wanking tips: www.gmfa.org.uk/wanking-techniques.

How to give a guy a blow job: www.gmfa.org.uk/how-to-give-a-guy-a-blow-job.

How to get fucked: www.gmfa.org.uk/how-to-get-fucked.

How to fuck: www.gmfa.org.uk/how-to-fuck.

Pain while getting fucked: www.gmfa.org.uk/pain-when-getting-fucked.

Messy sex and douching: www.gmfa.org.uk/messy-sex-and-douching.

Condoms and lube: www.gmfa.org.uk/condoms-and-lube.

Know your arse for better sex: www.gmfa.org.uk/know-your-arse-for-better-sex.

To buy cheap condoms and lube, visit the Freedoms shop at: www.freedoms-shop.com