When it comes to sex and relationships there is no such thing as a stupid question.  Here are our answers to some of the things you asked us via the GMFA website. 


Flipping condoms

What’s the chance of getting HIV if the person who fucked me first put the condom on the wrong way then flipped it over and put it on his cock?

There is a remote theoretical possibility of HIV transmission in this way, if your partner had HIV,  and got pre-cum on the condom before flipping it over and rapidly inserting it into you (as HIV does not survive for long outside of the body). Although we do not believe that there is a substantial risk from the activity you describe, we recommend that all sexually active gay men test for HIV at least once a year, and more often if they have any unprotected sex with new partners. 


I came in someone’s arse – help.

I got sucked off the other night, and the guy wanted me to cum in his arse. Because I was drunk, and got caught up in the moment, I did it. The main act was oral him to me and the last 30 seconds was me fucking him till I came. I’ve been tested for HIV and that’s all clear. I asked him and he said he was negative. I wish I hadn’t done it in hindsight. I’m just wanting some advice as to how much shit I have put myself in. Help.

As you are probably aware, the risk to the ‘top’ in anal sex is considerably lower than it is to the ‘bottom’ partner. However there remains an actual risk of HIV transmission from being the top in unprotected sex. There is no likely risk of contracting HIV from getting sucked off. It is estimated that 16% of men living with HIV in the UK have not been diagnosed, so the fact that your partner said he was uninfected does not necessarily mean that he was. If he has men cum in his arse on a regular basis he is, of course, putting himself at great risk of infection. The standard HIV test used in most GUM clinics will detect HIV infection within a month of exposure. You can find details of clinics at www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics. 


Messy sex

Please help me understand anatomy and its role in anal sex. How can you be sure your rectum is likely to be clean and free of faecal material before having extended anal play with a very large partner? Should I not eat for a set number of hours before having sex? 

Anal sex can get messy sometimes. It’s a fact but it’s perfectly natural and it has probably happened to all of us one time or another. Because of the nature of gay sex, getting a little surprise at the tip of your cock is sometimes inevitable but there are a few ways that you can prevent such ‘accidents’ from happening. A healthy rectum usually only contains shit when it’s full, so taking a dump would usually take care of that problem. 

If you still feel like you want to clean yourself out, you could give yourself an enema. This is done by inserting water in your ass and squirting it out so that you flush out any leftover shit that’s in your rectum. We recommend that you only ever use plain, clean water, preferably at body temperature. You can buy douches in your chemist, your local sex shop or order them online. When douching, it often takes some time before your arse expels all the water so if you are planning on getting fucked, make sure you douche at least an hour before taking a cock because you may need to return to the toilet a few times to get all the water out. 

If you are engaging in harder sex, like fisting or taking large toys, and you want to ensure that your arse is entirely clean, you can try eating light foods like soups during the day that you are planning on playing. It’s hard to give a time-estimate for how long you should do this for prior to getting fucked because digestion of food depends on your metabolism. Avoid eating anything that’s high in fibre and try not drinking coffee because that usually makes you want to have a shit. 


Please note, the advice GMFA provides is intended to support, not replace the relationship that exists between you and your doctor. GMFA recommends you visit your GP or GUM clinic if you have a sexual health need. 

To find your nearest GUM clinic, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics.

For sex and sexual health advice, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/sex.